A perfect ‘match’

“That was a hell of a match!” Raj exclaimed.

“Of course yes. Especially that six Yuvi hit!” Vineet recalled. “What did you like Sarthak?”


His eyes didn’t at all move to his best friends. They were locked in a direction he himself was unaware of. Maybe, they were staring into space. He walked across the isle of seats in the white brilliance of the flood lights that stood tall in the Eden Gardens Stadium. A plethora of emotions was running in him. Memories…they took him back to two years before when Anushka had painted his life colourful. He felt the exact nerve-wracking feeling which he had felt on that special day when he had proposed to her. How his legs shaked, sweat trickling down his forehead. And the very next moment how much elated he was! He remembered his first date with her – the first kiss that is – and the sensuality of the moment. How could he miss the gentle touch of her fingers on his lips to wipe off the cream of the ice cream they had together? Then there were those ‘I love you’ refrains. He couldn’t help but curse himself for leaving her…

“…Sarthak? What happened man?”

He barely knew how to react to the question. He fumbled between words to answer to his best friend. Finally he spoke,

I didn’t see the match, nor did she. I didn’t even see the people sitting beside me. She was sitting on the eighth seat right… Forget it, seven thousand bucks paid off really well!

And a smile lit his face.


Fading times

I saw you on the streets, holding his hands

Looking into his eyes, just like you looked ino mine

Asking him if he’d ever leave you

And trying to match his steps – oh the memories!


Afraid of crossing the street, you clenched his palms,

And he, just like me, held you tight

But he couldn’t help but laugh; you punched him playfully

Like we did years ago – oh the memories!


You entered ‘The Cafe’ in which the waiters know us,

They recognized you but not him

I’d have been happy if they’d asked you how I am

And you’d have said “Fine, if I am”  – oh the memories! 


I stood there stiff and watched you argue over who’s right

I knew deep down he’d have felt so proud to have you

Just like I had. And I saw him say those magical words to you

You replied to him – “I hate those memories”. 

I miss you, Mom

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you lately. Ever since the people beside me made loud and unavoidable screeches which interrupted my sleep. I want to tell you how my current life is. Now you’d say that we video chatted just hours ago, but there are some things I can only manage to say through a keyboard. God, whom am I explainig to when you already know this.

Life’s tough here. The nights pass wondering when was the last time I slept peacefully, unafraid of the forthcoming dawn. And days pass living in sordid reality of this place, this horrendous place. There are so many things that I wish I could tell you. That I had almost got suspended from college for breaking the law; that I don’t really like engineering and crave for things that make me happy; the girl whom I want in my life; moments when I feel I’m good for nothing; times when I get terrible inferiority complexes with people…just everything. Mom, I’m hurt and broken and totally messed up. Only if you could be here on my bed and I could rest my head on your lap and get my hair caressed. Only if I could listen to yours and papa’s same couple of bedtime stories till I fell asleep. Is it possible? You know, I’ve made myself strong to be able to hear a ‘no’ but in this case I so frantically wish it could be a ‘yes’.

As I write this, I want to tell you that it’s not quiet in here. There are people in this room with unknown faces, hiding their stories, and trying to have a peek into mine. I don’t want to tell them. Even if I will, do you think that they’ll understand? I am still looking for folks who will understand. It’s difficult, isn’t it? I wish I had superpowers like you, to be able to tell who are worth being with and who are not just by looking at or talking to them. I remember when I was a child you used to warn me against a few children of my group – and told me to stay away from them. I used to get irritated with you. But now I know that you were right. You’ve been right all these years. Every damn day when I step out, I feel strange emptiness in the air. Only if you could warn me again, because honestly, I’m failing. I need your golden advice now more than ever.

I hate hostel, mom. I don’t feel nice. I feel suffocated. You know this, don’t you? Will you get angry with me if I say I skipped lunch today because it was abhorrent just like every other day? Turns out, the bowl of boiled pieces of bittergourd which you ran around with, after me, in the entire house, to make me eat them were still better than the chicken curry here.

I miss you a lot, I know you’re with me always and I know you miss me too. But I have to be here for another three and a half years, and perhaps two years more after that. But I promise you, I’ll be happily settled in life and once I become settled, I’ll never leave you.

Love forever,
Your son


Hi everyone!

First of all A Very Happy New Year 2018! It’s already been four days of this year and I hope the days were well-spent by you, your friends and your family. 🙂

But you know, I’ve been thinking about myself lately. Twenty-seventeen has passed and it’s been seven months since I joined college.  Before I tell you about my problem, I want to ask you people a question: What do you people do when you feel aimless? I mean, we all feel hopeless and confused about our futures at some point of our lives but very few can figure out the solution. Presently, I am one of the majority, by the way! And trust me, feeling aimless at the start of a year can be devastating. You lose your morale. Then you try manipulate yourself into liking what you’re currently doing but eventually end up messing your head up. Trust me, it’s happening with me as well.

I think the best way to get over this is to first relax and smile. Hey, everybody goes through this and this is in fact a necessity for people to know the miracles they are capable of doing, which they were till now unaware of. You and I, you see, belong to the same clan, which is still waiting for a head-start.  Close your eyes in silence, maybe a few minutes before sleeping at night, and think what makes you happy. Think about what do you want. Not the society, not your parents, not your friends, but You. You know, if you’re happy, everybody around you will be. I had read somewhere that ‘Always keep a pen and a notebook with you before sleeping because, sometimes, million-dollar ideas strikes at 2 AM in the morning.’ It’s while you think of the things you want from life, you will have plenty of ideas. Come on, doing a single thing can’t make you happy! 😉 Now you scrutinize all the ideas according to their priorities and you go the next step: planning to execute.

But before you plan, do know the pros-cons of it, albeit it makes you happy. Once you’re sure, get up and go! It’s your time. Do whatever it takes for a head-start. Collect funds from everywhere legally possible and just do it. Do it even if have to get a bit low, lose people, raise your haters, get low grades in exams, lose peace and the list might go on. No great man became great before getting his a** dragged on the rough soil. If you become great at doing what you love, my friend, you’ve conquered the world.

Regret is a tough feeling, especially on your deathbed. Don’t wait and waste your life doing nothing, or in perfect sense, doing something which makes you feel enslaved. Come on, it’s Democracy man! Life is not always about being rich, sometimes it’s about living rich. Imagine you becoming rich from what you’ve always wanted to do. Your dream career. Think of it now before it’s too late and another year ends, instead of forcefully doing what you are not capable of. But unless you’re sure that the path you chose would make you happy, do not stop doing what you currently are. Precaution!

That’s it from my side today. See you soon. Have a great day and a great year ahead!

How deep is the Internet?

The title looks familiar, isn’t it? Probably, you must have come across various web pages/articles which tell you how deep it is. Or there is even a probablity that you yourself have pondered over this question a lot of times. And the last probablity is that you might have come across the answer to the question “How deep is the Surface Internet?”

Hola everyone! This is probably (nah, no more probablity, please?) the second blog post since I joined a University.  *Whispers: The Internet had kept me busy, you know.Anyways, back to the job. As per what you and I have known over the decades, the Internet (Surface Internet, that is) is expanding everyday. There are millions of websites accessible to common public – public who create them, in fact. I won’t be surprised if what I’m going to say is already known to you, for, back in 2011, the Deep Web was discovered to the public due to the illicit activities going inside it. It was quite a long time that it was discovered after being created by the US Naval Academy in 1995 for keeping its communication anonymous. Got a hint of what Deep Web is, didn’t you? Okay, so let’s get deeper into the Deep Web. Whatever you see on the Internet (I’m talking about the common people) like the Social Networking sites, the Educational Sites, YouTube, Banking sites and all other commonly accessible websites, which are indexed to the Search Engines like Google and Yahoo!, come under the Surface Web. In fact, if you consider the entire Internet, the Surface Internet comprises only about 5%; rest all is the Deep Web. Yes, you read that right. And in that remaining 95%, twenty percent consists of what is known as the Dark Web. So basically, there are 3 layers of the Internet – that’s how deep it is.

Now coming to the contents of the Deep Web in general, it consists of all the databases which are meant to be hidden. Citing a few examples, like I mentioned earlier that the Surface Web consists of Banking sites, the databases of those sites (Passwords, Account numbers) drop in the Deep Web which are virtually inaccessbile to the common people. Search Engines cannot find them. Likewise, the Government’s official data is kept hidden from the common people – you may find them in Deep Web. Your Facebook and Gmail passwords, all are attributted to the Deep Web. Figuratively, one Gmail account contains a number of hidden webpages that has all the database of your account. You can now guess why the Deep Web occupies 95% of the Internet.

Actually, the Deep Web was used by the Government Agencies to communicate with suspects whilst keeping their anonymosity. But as its use spread across the world, hackers and other psychic minds began intruding into the Deep Web to crumble the privacy of the people associated with the Deep Web. Eventually in 2011, the Deep Web became known to the common people; however, it is still as difficult to access it as it was before. People have tried accessing it and there are a number of incidents that could be cited…and they are disturbing. One of them goes something like this: one man tries to go deep into the World Wide Web by clicking on random links (yes, it is a path to the Deep Web) and after certain attempts, he is directed to a completely black screen. And this is where it gets creepy – a few seconds later, words start to appear in succession which reads “WE CAN SEE YOU”And suddenly after this, he is booted out of the Deep Web automatically. There are cases reported where the webcams of people are hacked once they get into the deep web. There are assailants watching for their prey in the deep web.

What’s more disgusting is the Dark Web, which is located inside the Deep Web. The Dark Web consists of gruesome stuffs which I doubt whether I should mention or not. But since I had intended to write about the other side of the Internet, I must. So once you visit the Dark Web, you might find methods to cook humans (oh, yes), or you might find ways to punish people you hate by registering into “punishment rooms”, as I call them, where they tie your target with ropes and make them see their own death. Torturous, malicious, maiming and harassing deaths. God, it’s better if you don’t imagine it. You browse deep into it and you will find Child Pornography and Drug dealing websites. Not forgetting to mention, weapon dealing platforms and cruelty to animals too.  It does not contain official databases, but it’s even scarier. Except the Surface Web, which you can visit through various browsers, the Deep Web (and of course the Dark Web) can only be visited through Tor, which keeps your idenity hidden throughout. It’s like having a changed VPN. They are the onion links ending in “\onion”.

So I hope now you know how really deep is the Internet. There are additional quadrillions of bits of data apart from the billions of it which you see on the Surface Web. And it’s better not to be curious about it.


A Home Away From Home – Really?

Hi there!

Long time no post! For those who are not aware, I’ve been admitted into KIIT University
(this is a famous college, for God’s sakes, I don’t really need to mention the location or describe about it, do I?) So yeah, I was busy with my new college life; adjusting in a new environment takes time after all. Satirically, I was busy with my new Home. Sigh!

I remember the first Orientation Programme post joining the University. A lot of achievements, a lot of facilities, a lot of opportunities, a lot of bragging… But one thing that still reverberates in my heart, yes heart, is they called the Hostel life “A Home Away From Home”. Period.

For people to be able to relate to my deep-rooted thoughts, let’s get into some details. To start with, let’s talk about people. You’re surrounded with intermixed cultures, all having different set of values, separated with the language barrier. The sacred beliefs are different as well. And most commonly as it happens, thoughts and habbits differ. I mean, it would be very ridiculous to say that people think similarly  everytime, but for people like me, who get attached to the past, the same old folks who I have grown up with, are always the best. Meeting new people is growth, but finding the ones who share the same qualities like you is luck. Definitely! Plus there comes that trust issue to ruin it all. To be able to trust again to the same extent as you did in the past, the connection you had made with the people close to you, is near to impossible in the beginning. I’m not sure about the future, but the start is always the most difficult step. And quite honestly, an ambivert as I am, I totally suck at it. Not a day goes by when I don’t fantasize about my past…about my people back home. Mom, dad, brother, friends…everyone.

Next comes the food: well mess food is crap. You always miss mumma’s food and the tantrums you used to throw at her regarding the lunch. All seems so long gone. You miss the love, you miss the life. I’m damn sure, there, at least once, comes a time when you sit in solace during the night and think about how much you don’t want the current life you’re living. And you sit there helplessly and aimlessly, staring into the deep dark sky until you realize nothing could be done in the near future (not the distant one). Then it dawns on you: you were the luckiest person to have such amazing people in your life; and now you’re the most unfortunate one to lose all of them in a blink of an eye.

Now,  I don’t necessarily know that whether it’s a problem with me and me alone, or it’s something common among the lot, but I speak the truth – I have still not felt this place as a “Home”. It feels like a No-Man’s land, completely deserted, where I lie in my own blood and think: It’s only me who has to survive in this lifeless life, miss home, miss friends and just carry on…

As I sit on my chair with my laptop on the table in the front, I think maybe, a miracle would happen and I’ll start calling this place “A Home”. Just maybe.

First day at KIIT: Abridged

​After a long journey through the roads of the city of temples, Bhubaneswar, amidst the heavy traffic, we reached the KIIT Convention Centre. The first thing that hit us was a slightly warm day – well that might be because of the sudden escape from the air-conditioned cab. I remember, rolling two big bags and carrying one, all full, and strolling for around 700 metres till the auditorium 7 was quite a job for us. Us includes my father, mother and me, well, of course. The colossal towers and magnificent greenery of KIIT held our eyes captive. 

We attended the Orientation Program in the Auditorium 7 and I was alotted my hostel room. It took us around one hour.  

Kings’ Palace VII, that’s my hostel. They took my biometrics and I was inside the three-bedded room. Once inside, I saw my two other roommates had already arrived and the room was occupied with them and their parents. 

I tell you, befriending people had never been so easy my entire life! Not just for me, parents-parents friendship built up in a blink of an eye: numbers exchanged, hands shaken. I got my belongings that the college had to offer: books, blazer, bucket, cushion, bedsheet, pillow and a laundry bag. Mom arranged the cupboard while I listened to her commandments.

Two hours later, we had known each other fairly well. Superficially, for now. The deep and lifelong friendship awaits… There was another event that we attended and that took an hour. 

It was 6:30 and the time had come for the students to start living a new life without their parents. That included me as well. Reluctance to let go of them was not allowing me to maintain my composure. It felt as if someone was ready with a knife to slice my heart. But blimey, I controlled myself! Not long though. I hugged mom, she hugged me; I hugged dad, he hugged me. Mom kissed me and cried, I choked too. 

I returned to my room which was drenched in darkness. I didn’t feel like turning on the lights. I sat on my bed and contemplated about I don’t know what. However minutes later, my two roommates, Shivam and Sayanjit, reached. Obviously, I had to lie to them. 

And now we are having a group discussion about our likes, dislikes, hobbies and everything. We’ve clicked well with each other. Loneliness doesn’t feel that much effective now. It’s them that I’ve to spend the next four years(or maybe rest of my life) with. Even though, I miss my friends back home. I am thinking about my old friends when Shivam asks me, “What are you typing?” 

“This”, I say and show him my account. 

In the cafeteria (Snippet)

“And then?”, she asked.

“I don’t know. I mean it’s so bizzare. I want everything to be just like before but the truth is, I just said a fantasy.”, I replied, confused.

“I see.” She took a sip of her cappuccino. Then another. One more. I watched her as she emptied her cup. I had already done mine. I tell you if I hadn’t emptied my cup in one breath, I would perhaps have choked and started sobbing. Just when I thought I had managed to control myself, the song played in the cafeteria.

“I’m broken, do you see me?

I’m blinded. Cause you’re everything I see. 

I’m dancing, alone. I’m praying

That your heart would just turn around.

And as I walk up to your door

My head turns to face the floor

Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say…”

Unfortunately, I had a blank look which favoured her to ask the most dreadful question ever.

“So do you hate her?”

What? I mean I didn’t know. ‘Hate’ had been always a confusing word for me. I fumbled among words to reply. She was staring at me. God.

“…yes.” Damn it, it wasn’t a perfect answer. Why? Because she stared at me even deeper. Now what the hell was I supposed to say?

“Okay so it’s like I don’t hate her actually. I mean, you know, I don’t like her. Maybe I do, but not like before…you getting it?” I said, hoping she had understood every bit and she won’t question me anymore.

She rolled her eyes. And I don’t know what that gesture meant.

“If I’m louder, would you see me? 

Would you lie down in my arms and rescue me.

Cause we are the same, you save me

When you leave it’s gone again.

And then I see you on the street,
In his arms, I get weak,

My body fails, I’m on my knees


“Kind of you’re confused; kind of you’re stupid; kind of you’re smart”, she gave her most thoughtful judgement. And, she continued:

“Confused, because, well, you know why; stupid because you’re confused after all this; smart because you pretend nicely that you don’t give a damn. That needs courage man!” She clapped. It was after ten seconds that I realised she was being sarcastic. Damn her!

“Let’s leave now”, I said as I stood up. I think I choked.

“Sir, your strawberry shake?”, the man at the counter reminded me. I was in no mood to feed myself. It’s true that I have two moods. When in stress, either I eat a lot more than my capacity or I don’t eat at all. Just then, she gently put her palm over mine and smiled a slow smile. Someone’s said it right that for a man, a feminine warmth might just exactly be what he needs when he has no idea how much stressed or sad he is. Well, I needed that; and she provided me with it. I was blessed to have a friend like her who had been all ears for me always.

“It’ll be alright, trust me. Let’s go”, she said, still having that empathetic smile. I pulled the door but stopped for a moment to listen to the final verse:

“I’ve never had the words to say

But now I’m asking you to say, for a little while

Inside my arms. And as you close your eyes tonight, I pray that you’ll see the light 

That’s shinin’ from the stars above…”


One Last Time

This is a short post about being in some of the many circumstances which happens for the last time, and we are unaware of it. It can either make us or break us. 


It’s disheartening, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s emancipation…

It depends.

On the situation.

How many of us are really saddened on realising the fact that it’s for one last time that we are meeting someone? How many of us really feel the bliss on realising that it’s for one last time that we are meeting someone? So, ‘it depends‘.

I still remember my first day in school. No wait, it’s not cliched! I did not cry, trust me. I was happy that finally after two long years I was ready to attend school. Little did I know it was a fourteen-years investment of monotony, homeworks, tests, exams, early morning wake-ups and staying in discipline. Huh! Fortunately some months back, I lived all these drudgeries for one last timeOn the flip side though, little did I know it was such a long investment of friendships, those self created lunch breaks in the middle of chemistry class, bunking classes of the deadliest of subjects and hanging out with friends on the staircase behind the library, those stolen glimpses with the girl in the second row in the midst of history class, the cricket matches (“wars”, rather) with other classes to mark our superiority and the memories. It all flashed before me on the very same day when I realised it was for one last time

Today morning, I woke up early. It was sometime before sunrise. I do not remember the time owing to the overwhelming emotions prevailing within me. The orange-red rays in the horizon was an obvious indication that yesterday had passed. I recalled my day before last night’s conversation with someone special. I did not feel bad the next day after the conversation; but something had happened today. I had failed in my attempts to make it work. You know, there comes a point when you just can’t give anymore. You gave someone all you had and all you could, but not anymore. I kept on looking at the horizon. I don’t know why but it was heart-wrenching. Perhaps it was so because of the realisation that it was for the one last time that I had had a deep conversation and a deep connection with that someone.

Turns out, you never know when someting or a situation becomes the last time you’ll ever see it or be in it. While sometimes it can be good, the other times it becomes unbearable. I don’t know if it is the right solution, but I stongly believe that whatever happens life goes on. And we too must go on with the flow. After all, change is something which comes with a tagline: “Either you adapt or you perish”. 


And then it dawned on her: she had nothing left to lose. A drop of tear from her already ‘stoic’ lacrimal glands generated somehow, which ended up near her lips. She could feel a terrible pain in her chest, as if her lungs were compressed. She found it difficult to breathe. And post few seconds, she felt a cringy pain near her cheeks and there she began mourning loudly. Her eyes welled up again – which favoured crying. She could get a blurred image of the report card which she cursed; the books stacked in a messy order on her bed which she cursed as well; the vague visuals and sounds of her parents lamenting her XIIth board exam grades, which obviously she cursed; and, well, she cursed herself the most. But then, she stopped with a sudden sob, as she thought of something that would end all her worries. She wiped her tears, checked the bolt on the door – it was locked. She swtiched off the ceiling fan, placed a table right beneath it, made a knot in her towel, fixed it on it’s obvious location and she was all set to show her acute cowardness to the world by surrendering herself into death’s hand…

Hope. That’s the four letter word which we all ignore when the world falls apart for us. While there are some who regain faith in this miraculous word, there are the rest who don’t even want to regain faith in it. To those people, I personally have an aptronym: cowards. Hope is something that we need for surivival. We all have dreams, passions, ideas or at least something to live for. But when life does not turn out to be favourable and as we had expected it to, we go into a phase which they call ‘depression’. Ask them who’ve been in depression and made out of it, how ‘beautiful’, how really ‘beautiful’ it is to experience! I suppose, every eight out of ten teenagers have been in depression at least once in their adolescence. Be it on a big scale or small, they have experienced it. Okay, so even I’ve been in it. When you’re in it, you feel hopeless. The first thought which comes to your mind is to end your life. Jeez! And it’s after this that you are bombarded with all the negative and gruesome thoughts and ideas you can ever think of. I mean it’s so terrifying. Then there are some complimentary symptoms of depression:

  1. You can’t eat (you don’t feel like)
  2. You can’t sleep (you don’t feel like)
  3. You procrastinate (you don’t feel like, but you do!)

I know your soul needs healing, but without eating? Without sleeping, for God’s sakes? I can do without my gaming console, I can do without my headphones with full bass, I can do without YouTube…but I swear on God I just can’t do a day without eating and sleeping!! How could you people???

It is a million dollar saying…no a billion dollar…wait, a quadrillion dollar saying; chuck it! It’s a true and meaningful saying that “you only get life once.” So why not just live it? Even if there are some obstacles (without which life would be boring, isn’t it?) why not just think of an appropriate solution to cross it? After all, it’s in these situations that you get an authentic chance to show the world how strong and courageous you are. Trust me, the world would bow down to you if you face the challenges that life throws at you and mould the same life into being better – or perhaps the best. All you need is to survive. Survive all the cortisol (the stress hormone) that is released in your body during tough times. Survive all the negative thoughts, especially of ending your life, and not giving in. Survive all the jeers and rants and laments which you will get to hear by the people around you – and flip the scenario by 180 degrees so that you get to hear praises by the same people when you make it through. All you need is hope. Hope for a better life. Hope for making the situation better. All you need is faith in the word ‘hope’. Believe me, hopelessness sucks. Isn’t is too much of a monotonous life if you don’t have a passion for living it to the fullest? Who doesn’t like adventures? Who doesn’t like bragging and exaggerating their childhood and youth stories to people when he becomes old? Who wouldn’t like thinking, on their deathbed, about the splendid life which he or she lived while he/she was young and being content about it? One failure should not stop you from inspiring others. One failure should not stop you from carving your life the way you ever wanted. And obviously, one failure should not stop you from being the one you were destined to become.

With hope overflowing in you, you can make yourself energized again and you will be as good and strong as ever. Trust me, you can and you will.

just then something happened. A picture of her parents flashed in her mind for a second. She stood on the table stiff and frozen. She could even hear her heart pounding and the sound of her aggravated breaths in the eerie silence. Just when she could not think about anything, thanks to her frozen brain, she heard a knock on the door. Twice, thrice….and for the sixth time in couplets. She regained her senses and stepped down from the table. By this time, she could hear her parents shouting her name on the top of their voices. Her face looked pale, dried tear spots clearly visible. She opened the gate. Her mother almost lost her mind on seeing the ‘death-setup’. The trio did not speak a word – they embraced themselves in each others’ arms and that was when another life emerged victorious over death!