A perfect ‘match’

“That was a hell of a match!” Raj exclaimed.

“Of course yes. Especially that six Yuvi hit!” Vineet recalled. “What did you like Sarthak?”

“Sarthak…?”

His eyes didn’t at all move to his best friends. They were locked in a direction he himself was unaware of. Maybe, they were staring into space. He walked across the isle of seats in the white brilliance of the flood lights that stood tall in the Eden Gardens Stadium. A plethora of emotions was running in him. Memories…they took him back to two years before when Anushka had painted his life colourful. He felt the exact nerve-wracking feeling which he had felt on that special day when he had proposed to her. How his legs shaked, sweat trickling down his forehead. And the very next moment how much elated he was! He remembered his first date with her – the first kiss that is – and the sensuality of the moment. How could he miss the gentle touch of her fingers on his lips to wipe off the cream of the ice cream they had together? Then there were those ‘I love you’ refrains. He couldn’t help but curse himself for leaving her…

“…Sarthak? What happened man?”

He barely knew how to react to the question. He fumbled between words to answer to his best friend. Finally he spoke,

I didn’t see the match, nor did she. I didn’t even see the people sitting beside me. She was sitting on the eighth seat right… Forget it, seven thousand bucks paid off really well!

And a smile lit his face.

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Irrevocable Love

Three drinks down, my head still burned. I was mad so mad at her that I could possibly kill her right there. But love’s a strange thing – the more you know about people the harder it is to kill them. I was going insane. My friends watched as I started gulping the entire bottle of whiskey. She cried and stepped up to stop me, but I pushed her and she collided with the edge of the table. The table displaced a little and two of the whiskey bottles fell over and shattered. More so, the edge struck her on the left side of her waist. She moaned. No doubt, a scene had been created in the restaurant.

“You bitch! You just cost me more damage”, I shouted as a gulped down whiskey again. My head was spinning now. I smoked, I drank, I abused and I smoked again. Everybody saw me but nobody dared to stop me.

“Stop, please!”. I saw Alice, my girlfriend, whom I had just pushed, stand up and look directly at me with moist eyes and suppressed sobs. She slowly walked to me with constant gaze. Something was happening inside me. It was like Aspirin was being taken over by natural endorphins. She touched me – electricity ran down my spine.

“Shh! I know what you’ve been through and I don’t hate you for that. I know you want to quit drugs and I am gonna help you. Trust me, okay?” She suddenly felt harmless.

“Come closer”, she whispered. Before I could tell myself that paranoia could stop me, she put her lips on mine. Her warm breaths drove me crazy. Possible another anxiety attack. She pressed my tongue with her lips and pushed it hard against mine. It was magical.

“Please go away. I can’t hurt you”, I whispered as my eyes welled up.

“You won’t, you hear me? You won’t. I love you”, she replied, weeping. A few more kisses and our faces parted. I was shaking. I needed the Aspirin, but her eyes stopped me.

“Just come with me. Let’s make it work again.” She took my hand in hers and whisked me out of the restaurant as everyone saw us, motionlessly.

We reached our hotel. I parked the car outside and in we went. I felt dizzy. I felt tired. Above all, I felt guilty. I shouldn’t have drank so much. Surprisingly, I could drive the car! I couldn’t make an eye contact with Alice. I dropped on the couch with my palm on my forehead. I saw Alice making the bed to sleep.

“I’ll just come”. My voice had become hoarse. She nodded with a slow smile. I walked into the kitchen to fill a glass of water. As I drank the water, my palms shook. In a random movement of my eyes, I saw the mirror on the wall beside me. I looked at myself. My eyes were red. I had never hated myself so much. I put the glass down. I turned on the tap and splashed water over my face. I splashed again, and again, and again…and then slapped myself when I was on the verge of breaking down. I slapped myself three more times, followed by one more splash of water.

I came out of the kitchen and heard Alice say, “Have you been crying, darling?” I didn’t say anything…just stood where I was. I was not the same man that I was a few months ago. Alice left the bed and walked towards me with a smile.

“It’s okay, babe. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Let’s have some fun tonight!”, she said. She dimmed the lights, switched on the home theater and played a slow romantic number.

“Wanna dance?” She pulled me by my hand, put her hand around my waist and started moving her feet to the beats. I wondered how could someone be so sweet? I had pushed her in the restaurant and here she was, trying to cheer me up. I had no option but to join her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you”, I said. “I know. Just dance”, she replied. Our eyes fixed on each others’, we were engrossed in the melody. I had started to feel better. Atop everything, her constant smile had set my heart racing. I wanted to kiss her…which I did two seconds later. The kiss broke our coordination and I gently pushed her on the bed. As I came closer to her, I could see her eyes speaking a thousand words. She wasn’t happy, she wasn’t scared either. She was…in love. Damn that look was to die for! Her breaths became loud as I leaned over her. She clenched my shoulders as I kissed her. But this time, our hormone levels had gone a little too up. I gently slid my palms over her belly. She twitched. Her chest expanded and contracted rapidly. All this happened while we kissed.

“I love you”, I finally spoke and started unbuttoning her top. It was just four buttons to go and I slowly pulled her top up. She closed her eyes and raised both her arms. I slid out the first layer of her clothing. We kissed again. I got up to unbutton my shirt while she watched with the same sexy look. I leaned over her again. I touched her everywhere. She moaned, this time with pleasure. I dragged my hand over her back and felt for the bra strap. I tore it apart with wildness, and threw her bra on the floor. I grabbed her face and kissed her neck. She reciprocated. Coming down, I cupped her breasts and gently squeezed them. As a reflex, she stuck her lips on mine and locked around my pelvis with her legs.

“We need to stop now. We can’t take this too far”, she said. And in a blink of an eye, everything changed. Something pricked on the side of my neck and my vision started getting blurred. My head spun. I felt for my neck and pulled out a syringe. Before I could know what had happened, I fell down.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

“Propofol by injection”

“Hmm”

“Why would she do that?”

“I don’t know, doctor”, I said.

“Did you see her again after that?”

“No”, I said and I looked away.

 

//Slowly, the camera pans out//

The Final Glance

October 3, 2018:

I walked along the corridor and felt my heart beating hard against my chest. More than a hundred feelings ran under my skin, including an eerie feeling of loss. My maternal grandpa had expired two days before and I had reached Kolkata the following morning for the cremation ceremony. Let’s not use the English terms for the relatives – using “maternal” everytime would be so uncomfortable, and not using it would be confusing. Anyway, I reached the end of the corridor and looked inside the room in front of me. It was total mayhem. It took me a few seconds to adjust to that horrific sight. The ladies in house, including my mom, sat there stiff and numb and cold and starved, had pale looks on their faces with dishevelled hair and were silent as dead. I can’t say I was prepared for this (even though I had thought that I was), because it was way more worse than I had imagined it would be.

Mausi came rushing towards me and embraced me tighter than anyone would do when they meet someone. The next second, however, I got the answer why: she had started crying and was short of breaths. In reply, I did the same to comfort her. What choice did I have anyway? Nani, who was staring into space, saw me and next thing I know is that she opened her arms and started bewailing and lamenting the loss of Nana. I couldn’t see her like this. I just couldn’t. I went into her open arms and tried to console her. But honestly, I failed miserably because I didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t eaten anything since three days and she was getting weaker. Also, she was in a state of shock, obviously.

“Ask him to come back. Ask him to open his eyes. I know he’s not dead. You were his favourite ever, he adored you so much…No, you know what, the doctors killed him. I know they did. He just had cough…”, and she broke down again.

“Please calm down and listen to me, Nani. Yes, he’s not dead. He’s somewhere around here. You just need to sleep and you’ll see him.” I cut in between and this was all that I could say.

She cried some more and then she closed her eyes, becoming silent. No she wasn’t unconscious; she was just weak. Next, mom and other people in the room hugged me tight and each one had their own lamentation. I too had mine but I couldn’t lament in front of them. They’d get weaker. So I controlled myself and didn’t cry at all. I came out of the room and slowly walked ahead. I could not believe that the area around the collar of my shirt was wet with my family’s tears. I saw the other male members in the family, trying to keep themselves distracted with their phones. Sure, their face looked pale. I saw my dad with the phone, too. I was the second last person to reach the town. Mama, Mami and my cousin sister collectively would be the last, since they were coming all the way from Switzerland. I continued walking, stoically, into Nana’s room. I looked around and felt a strange void. He was there on his favourite chair. In a frame. Garlanded. My blood ran cold. I closed the room’s gate and sat on the bed beside the chair. I stared at him for a fair ten seconds before covering my face with my palms and breaking down, finally. My entire childhood flashed before my eyes – Nana had moulded my childhood in the way that is still a dream for some kids. I was “The Richest Kid” around the locality of my Nani Ghar. One request in the morning to Nana, and by evening it was fulfilled. He had given me so much love, care and toys that for the last materialistic stuff, I had a really huge bag. So huge that even I could fir in as a 5-7 year old kid. I remembered how every evening when he returned home from office, he would carry me on his shoulders to the market, either for a walk or for (majorly) buying something I liked. But reality struck me soon: the person who had made my life a heaven was no more. The fact that he was just 69 years and 24 days old still doesn’t sink in. I called one of my friends, Anish, and cried all that I could. I was barely able to speak anything. I just cried. It felt lighter. I then recollected myself, mumbled “Rest in Peace” and walked out.

Moments later, Mama and family arrived and the same thing repeated, The sisters (my mom and both my Mausis) wailed and he consoled. As the events unfolded, it was time bring the dead body, MY Nana’s dead body, from the mortuary. Done, with some heart-stopping moments. Death certificate made, which showed his 69th birthday celebrated just few days ago on 6th September. We could deal with that even. The ceremonial rites succeeded with some throat choking wailing sounds. I still controlled myself. I have known Mama being internally strong since forever. He too hadn’t cried all this time. But once he lifted the cadavre of his own father on his shoulder, he couldn’t abstain himself from crying out loud; and seeing the strongest man I’ve known break down, welled up my eyes.

Moving on, the cadavre was loaded in the hearse and it slowly pushed off, with me cautioning the driver to watch mom’s and Mausi’s foot which could have otherwise come under the rear tyre. They would just not let go of the vehicle. The entire arena at the garden of the apartment was filled with the sounds of mourning. I didn’t know where Nani was. As the vehicle finally departed, Mausi, not knowing where she was going, ran after it and I ran after Mausi. However, I overtook her in three seconds and stopped her. Her legs had given way and she was unable to stand. I somehow managed to save her from falling, even though my legs had given way too. I couldn’t register the fact they took him away forever. She uttered something beyond my ability to understand since she was crying incessantly. My best guess is, she had said “I became an orphan”. Someone took her away from the scene. Mom was sitting on the ground weeping while the neighbours cried with her too, and some consoled. Amidst all these, preparations were done for us to head for the crematorium.

By the time, we, the males only, reached the crematorium, we had become too numb to say anything. Especially Mama. Nobody said a word. What could we say, anyway? They laid down Nana’s body and we waited for our time to cremate him. Every damn thing has a queue nowadays. We sat down beside Nana and prayed for his soul. Adjacent to me was Mama, who kept looking at his father’s closed eyes. He looked and looked and looked, as if it was for the last time he was looking at him. As hard as it is to live with the fact, the conjunction is correct. I embraced Mama and turned to me.

“The last wish of him was to see you in this Durga Puja. It is merely ten days away and…”, he choked. I knew what he was saying. And this became the most hurtful regret of my life. Nana wanted to see me after ten days, in the Puja, but he ditched his plan himself…I couldn’t take any more of the regret and I texted my friend, Neha. She handled this in the best possible way and told (read: wrote) me things I wanted to hear (read: see).

Hours passed and finally it was our time. They set up the logs of wood and the electric furnace. Mercilessly, the beat the bamboo on the side of Nana’s head which broke my heart all the more. And in the blink of eye, Nana was sent into the burning furnace which marked the last time we could see his face. Some people broke down again and I felt dizzy since I too hadn’t eaten a proper meal since two days. I looked at Mama – I could tell that he was trying so hard not to digest the sordid reality. Had I went to him, he would have cried too. Dad saw me and he understood that this time, I was the one who needed a tight hug.

Forty-five minutes later, we were walking behind Mama, who with numb eyes, carried his father’s ash to immerse in the Holy Ganges.

I’m home now. It’s been twenty six hours since everything happened and pictures of last day are still fresh in my mind. In fact, I dreamt those things. But however hard life may be, whatever crisis befalls, life goes on. No, neither am I nor other people have recovered yet, but eventually we will. We’ll get used to this sad truth: He is no more with us.

Sophomore… Time flies!

Hi there!

Is it true that you get blogging ideas when you’re lying on your bed, doing absolutely nothing? I guess it is. It was in the transcience of that moment when I realized that my Freshmen year at college is over. Not a big deal, you might say, but it’s the delusion of the clock that baffled me. I mean, I never realized all this time that I had joined college a year ago. Even now, as I type this, I feel I had joined here just two months ago! It was just “two months” ago that I was finding it difficult to live away from home. I remember sitting on the sofa at the dead of the night when everyone in my house was asleep. I just couldn’t sleep. The thought that it was my “last night” in home had haunted me terribly. I looked at everyone’s sleeping faces and I could not be more nostalgic!  And then the cliched thing happened – incessant tears started rolling down my cheeks. I tried hard to control them, but it would not stop. There I sat motionless, trying to supress the already silent sobs and the tears when, out of nowhere, my mom embraced me. She was awake all this time! Mothers are mothers after all. It was “two months” ago that I felt a little insecure seeing masses of new faces all around – in my class, in my hostel, in the entire new city, for Gods’ sakes! It was just “two months” ago that I made a handful of good friends. But truth is, I had been so busy in trying to adapt to a totally new lifestyle that I never saw time fly.

But what I did see is the changing colours of people. Old ones, new ones, everyone’s. Well, almost. You know, to fantasize about takiing along with you every one of them who’ve stayed by you all this time would be a blunder. You’ll eventually leave behind the majority. Maybe, if you happen to be lucky enough, that one best friend will stick up to your a** forever. And guess what, mine did!

You know, life’s tricky. The people who you thought you hated for life eventually turn out to be the ones you love! For instance, my roommates and other fellow classmates. (Hey roomies, if you people ever read this, don’t take it to your hearts. I love you!) And there are some you click with in the very first time you meet them. (Cliche: Holy shit! Where have you been all my life?!)  I may have completed one year of the four best years of one’s life, which kind of makes me sad – one year already over, but there are three more years to go – reason to be happy.

College is the time you got productive and responsible. I have started hating sitting idle and sleeping. College effect! So in order not to waste my three months stay at home, I have registered in an online course which I hope would do me good. I so hope! 

I think that’ll be enough for today, rather tonight. Goodbye until the next post! Signing off!

 

To the Friend I lost in time

Just wanted to check on you if you’re doing good. Oh and I’m sorry I can’t name you, sadly, because people start assuming that we were losers. Not all do this, but I know there are some. I don’t care though, neither would you, but I don’t want to earn us a bad name. You get that, right?

You know, I miss you. I really do, now more than ever. I’m sure you miss me too but just like me, you’re afraid of admitting it personally. Maybe, you write entries in your diary – unlike me who rather prefers typing digitally. What else can we do? We don’t talk heart to heart anymore. In fact, we rarely talk. I was never good at remembering dates, but hasn’t it been long, quite long, since we last talked? And I mean one real, deep, peaceful conversation. Remember the days when we were just a call away? Remember those 2 AM conversations we used to have almost daily and we never ran out of topics? Remember how you used to have anxiety attacks if you didn’t bitch about people you didn’t like? I hated listening to your rants back then, but, ironically, now I can stake my life to listen to those rants again. I wonder how in a blink of an eye, everything got lost somewhere down the line. Now, I pick up the phone to call you but I don’t, because I know you don’t feel the same about us anymore. I hate to do it but I have to. Life’s tricky. When it plays its own ways, we are screwed. Who knew we’d be fighting with our self-respects? When did that creep in between us?

I know it’s hard for everything to be normal again. Maybe, it was all my fault. Maybe it was yours. Let’s not get into that argument again and let us just share the blame. Will that be okay? I guess. But to be honest with you, I wouldn’t blame any of us except Time. We have changed and I don’t really know if our connection has. It’s hard to tell right now. You are someone I’ll forever have a soft corner for. Because admit it, at some point of my life you were the best person for me. ‘Best’ in the real sense of the word. The best friend, the best companion, the best listener, the best advisor and most uniquely, in you I saw the best version of me. Trust me when I say this, nobody mattered to me the way you did. Unfortunately, time didn’t want that.

It scares me to imagine what would it be like when (if) I’ll meet you sometime later. Will we talk formally – like strangers who know everything about each other? Or will we meet like we used to meet until a year ago? I don’t want to think about that. It makes me sad. Anyways, I think I should sign off now. Take care.

Oh and did I tell you that I still look forward to the last promise we made about eating a large Farmhouse pizza together over a movie?

Bye.

 

Fading times

I saw you on the streets, holding his hands

Looking into his eyes, just like you looked ino mine

Asking him if he’d ever leave you

And trying to match his steps – oh the memories!

 

Afraid of crossing the street, you clenched his palms,

And he, just like me, held you tight

But he couldn’t help but laugh; you punched him playfully

Like we did years ago – oh the memories!

 

You entered ‘The Cafe’ in which the waiters know us,

They recognized you but not him

I’d have been happy if they’d asked you how I am

And you’d have said “Fine, if I am”  – oh the memories! 

 

I stood there stiff and watched you argue over who’s right

I knew deep down he’d have felt so proud to have you

Just like I had. And I saw him say those magical words to you

You replied to him – “I hate those memories”. 

I miss you, Mom

Dear Mom,

I’ve been thinking about you lately. Ever since the people beside me made loud and unavoidable screeches which interrupted my sleep. I want to tell you how my current life is. Now you’d say that we video chatted just hours ago, but there are some things I can only manage to say through a keyboard. God, whom am I explainig to when you already know this.

Life’s tough here. The nights pass wondering when was the last time I slept peacefully, unafraid of the forthcoming dawn. And days pass living in sordid reality of this place, this horrendous place. There are so many things that I wish I could tell you. That I had almost got suspended from college for breaking the law; that I don’t really like engineering and crave for things that make me happy; the girl whom I want in my life; moments when I feel I’m good for nothing; times when I get terrible inferiority complexes with people…just everything. Mom, I’m hurt and broken and totally messed up. Only if you could be here on my bed and I could rest my head on your lap and get my hair caressed. Only if I could listen to yours and papa’s same couple of bedtime stories till I fell asleep. Is it possible? You know, I’ve made myself strong to be able to hear a ‘no’ but in this case I so frantically wish it could be a ‘yes’.

As I write this, I want to tell you that it’s not quiet in here. There are people in this room with unknown faces, hiding their stories, and trying to have a peek into mine. I don’t want to tell them. Even if I will, do you think that they’ll understand? I am still looking for folks who will understand. It’s difficult, isn’t it? I wish I had superpowers like you, to be able to tell who are worth being with and who are not just by looking at or talking to them. I remember when I was a child you used to warn me against a few children of my group – and told me to stay away from them. I used to get irritated with you. But now I know that you were right. You’ve been right all these years. Every damn day when I step out, I feel strange emptiness in the air. Only if you could warn me again, because honestly, I’m failing. I need your golden advice now more than ever.

I hate hostel, mom. I don’t feel nice. I feel suffocated. You know this, don’t you? Will you get angry with me if I say I skipped lunch today because it was abhorrent just like every other day? Turns out, the bowl of boiled pieces of bittergourd which you ran around with, after me, in the entire house, to make me eat them were still better than the chicken curry here.

I miss you a lot, I know you’re with me always and I know you miss me too. But I have to be here for another three and a half years, and perhaps two years more after that. But I promise you, I’ll be happily settled in life and once I become settled, I’ll never leave you.

Love forever,
Your son

Aimless

Hi everyone!

First of all A Very Happy New Year 2018! It’s already been four days of this year and I hope the days were well-spent by you, your friends and your family. 🙂

But you know, I’ve been thinking about myself lately. Twenty-seventeen has passed and it’s been seven months since I joined college.  Before I tell you about my problem, I want to ask you people a question: What do you people do when you feel aimless? I mean, we all feel hopeless and confused about our futures at some point of our lives but very few can figure out the solution. Presently, I am one of the majority, by the way! And trust me, feeling aimless at the start of a year can be devastating. You lose your morale. Then you try manipulate yourself into liking what you’re currently doing but eventually end up messing your head up. Trust me, it’s happening with me as well.

I think the best way to get over this is to first relax and smile. Hey, everybody goes through this and this is in fact a necessity for people to know the miracles they are capable of doing, which they were till now unaware of. You and I, you see, belong to the same clan, which is still waiting for a head-start.  Close your eyes in silence, maybe a few minutes before sleeping at night, and think what makes you happy. Think about what do you want. Not the society, not your parents, not your friends, but You. You know, if you’re happy, everybody around you will be. I had read somewhere that ‘Always keep a pen and a notebook with you before sleeping because, sometimes, million-dollar ideas strikes at 2 AM in the morning.’ It’s while you think of the things you want from life, you will have plenty of ideas. Come on, doing a single thing can’t make you happy! 😉 Now you scrutinize all the ideas according to their priorities and you go the next step: planning to execute.

But before you plan, do know the pros-cons of it, albeit it makes you happy. Once you’re sure, get up and go! It’s your time. Do whatever it takes for a head-start. Collect funds from everywhere legally possible and just do it. Do it even if have to get a bit low, lose people, raise your haters, get low grades in exams, lose peace and the list might go on. No great man became great before getting his a** dragged on the rough soil. If you become great at doing what you love, my friend, you’ve conquered the world.

Regret is a tough feeling, especially on your deathbed. Don’t wait and waste your life doing nothing, or in perfect sense, doing something which makes you feel enslaved. Come on, it’s Democracy man! Life is not always about being rich, sometimes it’s about living rich. Imagine you becoming rich from what you’ve always wanted to do. Your dream career. Think of it now before it’s too late and another year ends, instead of forcefully doing what you are not capable of. But unless you’re sure that the path you chose would make you happy, do not stop doing what you currently are. Precaution!

That’s it from my side today. See you soon. Have a great day and a great year ahead!

How deep is the Internet?

The title looks familiar, isn’t it? Probably, you must have come across various web pages/articles which tell you how deep it is. Or there is even a probablity that you yourself have pondered over this question a lot of times. And the last probablity is that you might have come across the answer to the question “How deep is the Surface Internet?”

Hola everyone! This is probably (nah, no more probablity, please?) the second blog post since I joined a University.  *Whispers: The Internet had kept me busy, you know.Anyways, back to the job. As per what you and I have known over the decades, the Internet (Surface Internet, that is) is expanding everyday. There are millions of websites accessible to common public – public who create them, in fact. I won’t be surprised if what I’m going to say is already known to you, for, back in 2011, the Deep Web was discovered to the public due to the illicit activities going inside it. It was quite a long time that it was discovered after being created by the US Naval Academy in 1995 for keeping its communication anonymous. Got a hint of what Deep Web is, didn’t you? Okay, so let’s get deeper into the Deep Web. Whatever you see on the Internet (I’m talking about the common people) like the Social Networking sites, the Educational Sites, YouTube, Banking sites and all other commonly accessible websites, which are indexed to the Search Engines like Google and Yahoo!, come under the Surface Web. In fact, if you consider the entire Internet, the Surface Internet comprises only about 5%; rest all is the Deep Web. Yes, you read that right. And in that remaining 95%, twenty percent consists of what is known as the Dark Web. So basically, there are 3 layers of the Internet – that’s how deep it is.

Now coming to the contents of the Deep Web in general, it consists of all the databases which are meant to be hidden. Citing a few examples, like I mentioned earlier that the Surface Web consists of Banking sites, the databases of those sites (Passwords, Account numbers) drop in the Deep Web which are virtually inaccessbile to the common people. Search Engines cannot find them. Likewise, the Government’s official data is kept hidden from the common people – you may find them in Deep Web. Your Facebook and Gmail passwords, all are attributted to the Deep Web. Figuratively, one Gmail account contains a number of hidden webpages that has all the database of your account. You can now guess why the Deep Web occupies 95% of the Internet.

Actually, the Deep Web was used by the Government Agencies to communicate with suspects whilst keeping their anonymosity. But as its use spread across the world, hackers and other psychic minds began intruding into the Deep Web to crumble the privacy of the people associated with the Deep Web. Eventually in 2011, the Deep Web became known to the common people; however, it is still as difficult to access it as it was before. People have tried accessing it and there are a number of incidents that could be cited…and they are disturbing. One of them goes something like this: one man tries to go deep into the World Wide Web by clicking on random links (yes, it is a path to the Deep Web) and after certain attempts, he is directed to a completely black screen. And this is where it gets creepy – a few seconds later, words start to appear in succession which reads “WE CAN SEE YOU”And suddenly after this, he is booted out of the Deep Web automatically. There are cases reported where the webcams of people are hacked once they get into the deep web. There are assailants watching for their prey in the deep web.

What’s more disgusting is the Dark Web, which is located inside the Deep Web. The Dark Web consists of gruesome stuffs which I doubt whether I should mention or not. But since I had intended to write about the other side of the Internet, I must. So once you visit the Dark Web, you might find methods to cook humans (oh, yes), or you might find ways to punish people you hate by registering into “punishment rooms”, as I call them, where they tie your target with ropes and make them see their own death. Torturous, malicious, maiming and harassing deaths. God, it’s better if you don’t imagine it. You browse deep into it and you will find Child Pornography and Drug dealing websites. Not forgetting to mention, weapon dealing platforms and cruelty to animals too.  It does not contain official databases, but it’s even scarier. Except the Surface Web, which you can visit through various browsers, the Deep Web (and of course the Dark Web) can only be visited through Tor, which keeps your idenity hidden throughout. It’s like having a changed VPN. They are the onion links ending in “\onion”.

So I hope now you know how really deep is the Internet. There are additional quadrillions of bits of data apart from the billions of it which you see on the Surface Web. And it’s better not to be curious about it.

STATUTORY WARNING: THIS BLOG POST DOES NOT INTEND TO ENCOURAGE THE ILL-USE OF THE DEEP WEB, NEITHER DOES IT ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO TRY ACCESSING IT. I MYSELF HAVE NOT ACCESSED THE DEEP WEB AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION TO DO SO. ALL THE REFERENCES WHICH ARE MENTIONED HERE ARE AVAILABLE ON THE INTERNET. 

A Home Away From Home – Really?

Hi there!

Long time no post! For those who are not aware, I’ve been admitted into KIIT University
(this is a famous college, for God’s sakes, I don’t really need to mention the location or describe about it, do I?) So yeah, I was busy with my new college life; adjusting in a new environment takes time after all. Satirically, I was busy with my new Home. Sigh!

I remember the first Orientation Programme post joining the University. A lot of achievements, a lot of facilities, a lot of opportunities, a lot of bragging… But one thing that still reverberates in my heart, yes heart, is they called the Hostel life “A Home Away From Home”. Period.

For people to be able to relate to my deep-rooted thoughts, let’s get into some details. To start with, let’s talk about people. You’re surrounded with intermixed cultures, all having different set of values, separated with the language barrier. The sacred beliefs are different as well. And most commonly as it happens, thoughts and habbits differ. I mean, it would be very ridiculous to say that people think similarly  everytime, but for people like me, who get attached to the past, the same old folks who I have grown up with, are always the best. Meeting new people is growth, but finding the ones who share the same qualities like you is luck. Definitely! Plus there comes that trust issue to ruin it all. To be able to trust again to the same extent as you did in the past, the connection you had made with the people close to you, is near to impossible in the beginning. I’m not sure about the future, but the start is always the most difficult step. And quite honestly, an ambivert as I am, I totally suck at it. Not a day goes by when I don’t fantasize about my past…about my people back home. Mom, dad, brother, friends…everyone.

Next comes the food: well mess food is crap. You always miss mumma’s food and the tantrums you used to throw at her regarding the lunch. All seems so long gone. You miss the love, you miss the life. I’m damn sure, there, at least once, comes a time when you sit in solace during the night and think about how much you don’t want the current life you’re living. And you sit there helplessly and aimlessly, staring into the deep dark sky until you realize nothing could be done in the near future (not the distant one). Then it dawns on you: you were the luckiest person to have such amazing people in your life; and now you’re the most unfortunate one to lose all of them in a blink of an eye.

Now,  I don’t necessarily know that whether it’s a problem with me and me alone, or it’s something common among the lot, but I speak the truth – I have still not felt this place as a “Home”. It feels like a No-Man’s land, completely deserted, where I lie in my own blood and think: It’s only me who has to survive in this lifeless life, miss home, miss friends and just carry on…

As I sit on my chair with my laptop on the table in the front, I think maybe, a miracle would happen and I’ll start calling this place “A Home”. Just maybe.