“And then?”, she asked.
“I don’t know. I mean it’s so bizzare. I want everything to be just like before but the truth is, I just said a fantasy.”, I replied, confused.
“I see.” She took a sip of her cappuccino. Then another. One more. I watched her as she emptied her cup. I had already done mine. I tell you if I hadn’t emptied my cup in one breath, I would perhaps have choked and started sobbing. Just when I thought I had managed to control myself, the song played in the cafeteria.
“I’m broken, do you see me?
I’m blinded. Cause you’re everything I see.
I’m dancing, alone. I’m praying
That your heart would just turn around.
And as I walk up to your door
My head turns to face the floor
Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say…”
Unfortunately, I had a blank look which favoured her to ask the most dreadful question ever.
“So do you hate her?”
What? I mean I didn’t know. ‘Hate’ had been always a confusing word for me. I fumbled among words to reply. She was staring at me. God.
“…yes.” Damn it, it wasn’t a perfect answer. Why? Because she stared at me even deeper. Now what the hell was I supposed to say?
“Okay so it’s like I don’t hate her actually. I mean, you know, I don’t like her. Maybe I do, but not like before…you getting it?” I said, hoping she had understood every bit and she won’t question me anymore.
She rolled her eyes. And I don’t know what that gesture meant.
“If I’m louder, would you see me?
Would you lie down in my arms and rescue me.
Cause we are the same, you save me
When you leave it’s gone again.
And then I see you on the street,
In his arms, I get weak,
My body fails, I’m on my knees
“Kind of you’re confused; kind of you’re stupid; kind of you’re smart”, she gave her most thoughtful judgement. And, she continued:
“Confused, because, well, you know why; stupid because you’re confused after all this; smart because you pretend nicely that you don’t give a damn. That needs courage man!” She clapped. It was after ten seconds that I realised she was being sarcastic. Damn her!
“Let’s leave now”, I said as I stood up. I think I choked.
“Sir, your strawberry shake?”, the man at the counter reminded me. I was in no mood to feed myself. It’s true that I have two moods. When in stress, either I eat a lot more than my capacity or I don’t eat at all. Just then, she gently put her palm over mine and smiled a slow smile. Someone’s said it right that for a man, a feminine warmth might just exactly be what he needs when he has no idea how much stressed or sad he is. Well, I needed that; and she provided me with it. I was blessed to have a friend like her who had been all ears for me always.
“It’ll be alright, trust me. Let’s go”, she said, still having that empathetic smile. I pulled the door but stopped for a moment to listen to the final verse:
“I’ve never had the words to say
But now I’m asking you to say, for a little while
Inside my arms. And as you close your eyes tonight, I pray that you’ll see the light
That’s shinin’ from the stars above…”