A perfect ‘match’

“That was a hell of a match!” Raj exclaimed.

“Of course yes. Especially that six Yuvi hit!” Vineet recalled. “What did you like Sarthak?”

“Sarthak…?”

His eyes didn’t at all move to his best friends. They were locked in a direction he himself was unaware of. Maybe, they were staring into space. He walked across the isle of seats in the white brilliance of the flood lights that stood tall in the Eden Gardens Stadium. A plethora of emotions was running in him. Memories…they took him back to two years before when Anushka had painted his life colourful. He felt the exact nerve-wracking feeling which he had felt on that special day when he had proposed to her. How his legs shaked, sweat trickling down his forehead. And the very next moment how much elated he was! He remembered his first date with her – the first kiss that is – and the sensuality of the moment. How could he miss the gentle touch of her fingers on his lips to wipe off the cream of the ice cream they had together? Then there were those ‘I love you’ refrains. He couldn’t help but curse himself for leaving her…

“…Sarthak? What happened man?”

He barely knew how to react to the question. He fumbled between words to answer to his best friend. Finally he spoke,

I didn’t see the match, nor did she. I didn’t even see the people sitting beside me. She was sitting on the eighth seat right… Forget it, seven thousand bucks paid off really well!

And a smile lit his face.

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How deep is the Internet?

The title looks familiar, isn’t it? Probably, you must have come across various web pages/articles which tell you how deep it is. Or there is even a probablity that you yourself have pondered over this question a lot of times. And the last probablity is that you might have come across the answer to the question “How deep is the Surface Internet?”

Hola everyone! This is probably (nah, no more probablity, please?) the second blog post since I joined a University.  *Whispers: The Internet had kept me busy, you know.Anyways, back to the job. As per what you and I have known over the decades, the Internet (Surface Internet, that is) is expanding everyday. There are millions of websites accessible to common public – public who create them, in fact. I won’t be surprised if what I’m going to say is already known to you, for, back in 2011, the Deep Web was discovered to the public due to the illicit activities going inside it. It was quite a long time that it was discovered after being created by the US Naval Academy in 1995 for keeping its communication anonymous. Got a hint of what Deep Web is, didn’t you? Okay, so let’s get deeper into the Deep Web. Whatever you see on the Internet (I’m talking about the common people) like the Social Networking sites, the Educational Sites, YouTube, Banking sites and all other commonly accessible websites, which are indexed to the Search Engines like Google and Yahoo!, come under the Surface Web. In fact, if you consider the entire Internet, the Surface Internet comprises only about 5%; rest all is the Deep Web. Yes, you read that right. And in that remaining 95%, twenty percent consists of what is known as the Dark Web. So basically, there are 3 layers of the Internet – that’s how deep it is.

Now coming to the contents of the Deep Web in general, it consists of all the databases which are meant to be hidden. Citing a few examples, like I mentioned earlier that the Surface Web consists of Banking sites, the databases of those sites (Passwords, Account numbers) drop in the Deep Web which are virtually inaccessbile to the common people. Search Engines cannot find them. Likewise, the Government’s official data is kept hidden from the common people – you may find them in Deep Web. Your Facebook and Gmail passwords, all are attributted to the Deep Web. Figuratively, one Gmail account contains a number of hidden webpages that has all the database of your account. You can now guess why the Deep Web occupies 95% of the Internet.

Actually, the Deep Web was used by the Government Agencies to communicate with suspects whilst keeping their anonymosity. But as its use spread across the world, hackers and other psychic minds began intruding into the Deep Web to crumble the privacy of the people associated with the Deep Web. Eventually in 2011, the Deep Web became known to the common people; however, it is still as difficult to access it as it was before. People have tried accessing it and there are a number of incidents that could be cited…and they are disturbing. One of them goes something like this: one man tries to go deep into the World Wide Web by clicking on random links (yes, it is a path to the Deep Web) and after certain attempts, he is directed to a completely black screen. And this is where it gets creepy – a few seconds later, words start to appear in succession which reads “WE CAN SEE YOU”And suddenly after this, he is booted out of the Deep Web automatically. There are cases reported where the webcams of people are hacked once they get into the deep web. There are assailants watching for their prey in the deep web.

What’s more disgusting is the Dark Web, which is located inside the Deep Web. The Dark Web consists of gruesome stuffs which I doubt whether I should mention or not. But since I had intended to write about the other side of the Internet, I must. So once you visit the Dark Web, you might find methods to cook humans (oh, yes), or you might find ways to punish people you hate by registering into “punishment rooms”, as I call them, where they tie your target with ropes and make them see their own death. Torturous, malicious, maiming and harassing deaths. God, it’s better if you don’t imagine it. You browse deep into it and you will find Child Pornography and Drug dealing websites. Not forgetting to mention, weapon dealing platforms and cruelty to animals too.  It does not contain official databases, but it’s even scarier. Except the Surface Web, which you can visit through various browsers, the Deep Web (and of course the Dark Web) can only be visited through Tor, which keeps your idenity hidden throughout. It’s like having a changed VPN. They are the onion links ending in “\onion”.

So I hope now you know how really deep is the Internet. There are additional quadrillions of bits of data apart from the billions of it which you see on the Surface Web. And it’s better not to be curious about it.

STATUTORY WARNING: THIS BLOG POST DOES NOT INTEND TO ENCOURAGE THE ILL-USE OF THE DEEP WEB, NEITHER DOES IT ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO TRY ACCESSING IT. I MYSELF HAVE NOT ACCESSED THE DEEP WEB AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION TO DO SO. ALL THE REFERENCES WHICH ARE MENTIONED HERE ARE AVAILABLE ON THE INTERNET. 

A Home Away From Home – Really?

Hi there!

Long time no post! For those who are not aware, I’ve been admitted into KIIT University
(this is a famous college, for God’s sakes, I don’t really need to mention the location or describe about it, do I?) So yeah, I was busy with my new college life; adjusting in a new environment takes time after all. Satirically, I was busy with my new Home. Sigh!

I remember the first Orientation Programme post joining the University. A lot of achievements, a lot of facilities, a lot of opportunities, a lot of bragging… But one thing that still reverberates in my heart, yes heart, is they called the Hostel life “A Home Away From Home”. Period.

For people to be able to relate to my deep-rooted thoughts, let’s get into some details. To start with, let’s talk about people. You’re surrounded with intermixed cultures, all having different set of values, separated with the language barrier. The sacred beliefs are different as well. And most commonly as it happens, thoughts and habbits differ. I mean, it would be very ridiculous to say that people think similarly  everytime, but for people like me, who get attached to the past, the same old folks who I have grown up with, are always the best. Meeting new people is growth, but finding the ones who share the same qualities like you is luck. Definitely! Plus there comes that trust issue to ruin it all. To be able to trust again to the same extent as you did in the past, the connection you had made with the people close to you, is near to impossible in the beginning. I’m not sure about the future, but the start is always the most difficult step. And quite honestly, an ambivert as I am, I totally suck at it. Not a day goes by when I don’t fantasize about my past…about my people back home. Mom, dad, brother, friends…everyone.

Next comes the food: well mess food is crap. You always miss mumma’s food and the tantrums you used to throw at her regarding the lunch. All seems so long gone. You miss the love, you miss the life. I’m damn sure, there, at least once, comes a time when you sit in solace during the night and think about how much you don’t want the current life you’re living. And you sit there helplessly and aimlessly, staring into the deep dark sky until you realize nothing could be done in the near future (not the distant one). Then it dawns on you: you were the luckiest person to have such amazing people in your life; and now you’re the most unfortunate one to lose all of them in a blink of an eye.

Now,  I don’t necessarily know that whether it’s a problem with me and me alone, or it’s something common among the lot, but I speak the truth – I have still not felt this place as a “Home”. It feels like a No-Man’s land, completely deserted, where I lie in my own blood and think: It’s only me who has to survive in this lifeless life, miss home, miss friends and just carry on…

As I sit on my chair with my laptop on the table in the front, I think maybe, a miracle would happen and I’ll start calling this place “A Home”. Just maybe.

First day at KIIT: Abridged

​After a long journey through the roads of the city of temples, Bhubaneswar, amidst the heavy traffic, we reached the KIIT Convention Centre. The first thing that hit us was a slightly warm day – well that might be because of the sudden escape from the air-conditioned cab. I remember, rolling two big bags and carrying one, all full, and strolling for around 700 metres till the auditorium 7 was quite a job for us. Us includes my father, mother and me, well, of course. The colossal towers and magnificent greenery of KIIT held our eyes captive. 

We attended the Orientation Program in the Auditorium 7 and I was alotted my hostel room. It took us around one hour.  

Kings’ Palace VII, that’s my hostel. They took my biometrics and I was inside the three-bedded room. Once inside, I saw my two other roommates had already arrived and the room was occupied with them and their parents. 

I tell you, befriending people had never been so easy my entire life! Not just for me, parents-parents friendship built up in a blink of an eye: numbers exchanged, hands shaken. I got my belongings that the college had to offer: books, blazer, bucket, cushion, bedsheet, pillow and a laundry bag. Mom arranged the cupboard while I listened to her commandments.

Two hours later, we had known each other fairly well. Superficially, for now. The deep and lifelong friendship awaits… There was another event that we attended and that took an hour. 

It was 6:30 and the time had come for the students to start living a new life without their parents. That included me as well. Reluctance to let go of them was not allowing me to maintain my composure. It felt as if someone was ready with a knife to slice my heart. But blimey, I controlled myself! Not long though. I hugged mom, she hugged me; I hugged dad, he hugged me. Mom kissed me and cried, I choked too. 

I returned to my room which was drenched in darkness. I didn’t feel like turning on the lights. I sat on my bed and contemplated about I don’t know what. However minutes later, my two roommates, Shivam and Sayanjit, reached. Obviously, I had to lie to them. 

And now we are having a group discussion about our likes, dislikes, hobbies and everything. We’ve clicked well with each other. Loneliness doesn’t feel that much effective now. It’s them that I’ve to spend the next four years(or maybe rest of my life) with. Even though, I miss my friends back home. I am thinking about my old friends when Shivam asks me, “What are you typing?” 

“This”, I say and show him my account. 

In the cafeteria (Snippet)

“And then?”, she asked.


“I don’t know. I mean it’s so bizzare. I want everything to be just like before but the truth is, I just said a fantasy.”, I replied, confused.

“I see.” She took a sip of her cappuccino. Then another. One more. I watched her as she emptied her cup. I had already done mine. I tell you if I hadn’t emptied my cup in one breath, I would perhaps have choked and started sobbing. Just when I thought I had managed to control myself, the song played in the cafeteria.

“I’m broken, do you see me?

I’m blinded. Cause you’re everything I see. 

I’m dancing, alone. I’m praying

That your heart would just turn around.

And as I walk up to your door

My head turns to face the floor

Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say…”


Unfortunately, I had a blank look which favoured her to ask the most dreadful question ever.

“So do you hate her?”

What? I mean I didn’t know. ‘Hate’ had been always a confusing word for me. I fumbled among words to reply. She was staring at me. God.

“…yes.” Damn it, it wasn’t a perfect answer. Why? Because she stared at me even deeper. Now what the hell was I supposed to say?

“Okay so it’s like I don’t hate her actually. I mean, you know, I don’t like her. Maybe I do, but not like before…you getting it?” I said, hoping she had understood every bit and she won’t question me anymore.

She rolled her eyes. And I don’t know what that gesture meant.

“If I’m louder, would you see me? 

Would you lie down in my arms and rescue me.

Cause we are the same, you save me

When you leave it’s gone again.

And then I see you on the street,
In his arms, I get weak,

My body fails, I’m on my knees

Prayin’…”


“Kind of you’re confused; kind of you’re stupid; kind of you’re smart”, she gave her most thoughtful judgement. And, she continued:

“Confused, because, well, you know why; stupid because you’re confused after all this; smart because you pretend nicely that you don’t give a damn. That needs courage man!” She clapped. It was after ten seconds that I realised she was being sarcastic. Damn her!

“Let’s leave now”, I said as I stood up. I think I choked.

“Sir, your strawberry shake?”, the man at the counter reminded me. I was in no mood to feed myself. It’s true that I have two moods. When in stress, either I eat a lot more than my capacity or I don’t eat at all. Just then, she gently put her palm over mine and smiled a slow smile. Someone’s said it right that for a man, a feminine warmth might just exactly be what he needs when he has no idea how much stressed or sad he is. Well, I needed that; and she provided me with it. I was blessed to have a friend like her who had been all ears for me always.

“It’ll be alright, trust me. Let’s go”, she said, still having that empathetic smile. I pulled the door but stopped for a moment to listen to the final verse:

“I’ve never had the words to say

But now I’m asking you to say, for a little while

Inside my arms. And as you close your eyes tonight, I pray that you’ll see the light 

That’s shinin’ from the stars above…”

                       





One Last Time

This is a short post about being in some of the many circumstances which happens for the last time, and we are unaware of it. It can either make us or break us. 

____________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s disheartening, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s emancipation…

It depends.

On the situation.

How many of us are really saddened on realising the fact that it’s for one last time that we are meeting someone? How many of us really feel the bliss on realising that it’s for one last time that we are meeting someone? So, ‘it depends‘.

I still remember my first day in school. No wait, it’s not cliched! I did not cry, trust me. I was happy that finally after two long years I was ready to attend school. Little did I know it was a fourteen-years investment of monotony, homeworks, tests, exams, early morning wake-ups and staying in discipline. Huh! Fortunately some months back, I lived all these drudgeries for one last timeOn the flip side though, little did I know it was such a long investment of friendships, those self created lunch breaks in the middle of chemistry class, bunking classes of the deadliest of subjects and hanging out with friends on the staircase behind the library, those stolen glimpses with the girl in the second row in the midst of history class, the cricket matches (“wars”, rather) with other classes to mark our superiority and the memories. It all flashed before me on the very same day when I realised it was for one last time

Today morning, I woke up early. It was sometime before sunrise. I do not remember the time owing to the overwhelming emotions prevailing within me. The orange-red rays in the horizon was an obvious indication that yesterday had passed. I recalled my day before last night’s conversation with someone special. I did not feel bad the next day after the conversation; but something had happened today. I had failed in my attempts to make it work. You know, there comes a point when you just can’t give anymore. You gave someone all you had and all you could, but not anymore. I kept on looking at the horizon. I don’t know why but it was heart-wrenching. Perhaps it was so because of the realisation that it was for the one last time that I had had a deep conversation and a deep connection with that someone.

Turns out, you never know when someting or a situation becomes the last time you’ll ever see it or be in it. While sometimes it can be good, the other times it becomes unbearable. I don’t know if it is the right solution, but I stongly believe that whatever happens life goes on. And we too must go on with the flow. After all, change is something which comes with a tagline: “Either you adapt or you perish”. 

Hope

And then it dawned on her: she had nothing left to lose. A drop of tear from her already ‘stoic’ lacrimal glands generated somehow, which ended up near her lips. She could feel a terrible pain in her chest, as if her lungs were compressed. She found it difficult to breathe. And post few seconds, she felt a cringy pain near her cheeks and there she began mourning loudly. Her eyes welled up again – which favoured crying. She could get a blurred image of the report card which she cursed; the books stacked in a messy order on her bed which she cursed as well; the vague visuals and sounds of her parents lamenting her XIIth board exam grades, which obviously she cursed; and, well, she cursed herself the most. But then, she stopped with a sudden sob, as she thought of something that would end all her worries. She wiped her tears, checked the bolt on the door – it was locked. She swtiched off the ceiling fan, placed a table right beneath it, made a knot in her towel, fixed it on it’s obvious location and she was all set to show her acute cowardness to the world by surrendering herself into death’s hand…

Hope. That’s the four letter word which we all ignore when the world falls apart for us. While there are some who regain faith in this miraculous word, there are the rest who don’t even want to regain faith in it. To those people, I personally have an aptronym: cowards. Hope is something that we need for surivival. We all have dreams, passions, ideas or at least something to live for. But when life does not turn out to be favourable and as we had expected it to, we go into a phase which they call ‘depression’. Ask them who’ve been in depression and made out of it, how ‘beautiful’, how really ‘beautiful’ it is to experience! I suppose, every eight out of ten teenagers have been in depression at least once in their adolescence. Be it on a big scale or small, they have experienced it. Okay, so even I’ve been in it. When you’re in it, you feel hopeless. The first thought which comes to your mind is to end your life. Jeez! And it’s after this that you are bombarded with all the negative and gruesome thoughts and ideas you can ever think of. I mean it’s so terrifying. Then there are some complimentary symptoms of depression:

  1. You can’t eat (you don’t feel like)
  2. You can’t sleep (you don’t feel like)
  3. You procrastinate (you don’t feel like, but you do!)

I know your soul needs healing, but without eating? Without sleeping, for God’s sakes? I can do without my gaming console, I can do without my headphones with full bass, I can do without YouTube…but I swear on God I just can’t do a day without eating and sleeping!! How could you people???

It is a million dollar saying…no a billion dollar…wait, a quadrillion dollar saying; chuck it! It’s a true and meaningful saying that “you only get life once.” So why not just live it? Even if there are some obstacles (without which life would be boring, isn’t it?) why not just think of an appropriate solution to cross it? After all, it’s in these situations that you get an authentic chance to show the world how strong and courageous you are. Trust me, the world would bow down to you if you face the challenges that life throws at you and mould the same life into being better – or perhaps the best. All you need is to survive. Survive all the cortisol (the stress hormone) that is released in your body during tough times. Survive all the negative thoughts, especially of ending your life, and not giving in. Survive all the jeers and rants and laments which you will get to hear by the people around you – and flip the scenario by 180 degrees so that you get to hear praises by the same people when you make it through. All you need is hope. Hope for a better life. Hope for making the situation better. All you need is faith in the word ‘hope’. Believe me, hopelessness sucks. Isn’t is too much of a monotonous life if you don’t have a passion for living it to the fullest? Who doesn’t like adventures? Who doesn’t like bragging and exaggerating their childhood and youth stories to people when he becomes old? Who wouldn’t like thinking, on their deathbed, about the splendid life which he or she lived while he/she was young and being content about it? One failure should not stop you from inspiring others. One failure should not stop you from carving your life the way you ever wanted. And obviously, one failure should not stop you from being the one you were destined to become.

With hope overflowing in you, you can make yourself energized again and you will be as good and strong as ever. Trust me, you can and you will.

just then something happened. A picture of her parents flashed in her mind for a second. She stood on the table stiff and frozen. She could even hear her heart pounding and the sound of her aggravated breaths in the eerie silence. Just when she could not think about anything, thanks to her frozen brain, she heard a knock on the door. Twice, thrice….and for the sixth time in couplets. She regained her senses and stepped down from the table. By this time, she could hear her parents shouting her name on the top of their voices. Her face looked pale, dried tear spots clearly visible. She opened the gate. Her mother almost lost her mind on seeing the ‘death-setup’. The trio did not speak a word – they embraced themselves in each others’ arms and that was when another life emerged victorious over death! 

Growing up

“When will I grow up…?” 

As toddlers, we all had this one genuine problematic thought running in the fleshy mass inside our skull. Wouldn’t we go insane when we couldn’t see the man at the ticket counter of the merry-go-round? How struggling was it to keep holding the huge palm of our dads while we constantly collided with the on-comers in the market! Remember how hard was it to squeeze through the crowd which, in my personal opinion, felt no less than a stampede? “Ah, when will I grow up?”

Now that time has flown with its famous derogatory speed and brought us ages ahead, we’ve grown up. Or have we? What exactly is growing up? 

I’ll not put this as the common interrogative sesssion, but rather let me simply jot down the obvious statements to this question. First, it does not mean growing up in mass and size. Biologically, yes it does mean that but psychologically it doesn’t. You know, growing up is correctly attributed to being matured. We humans have a unique gift of understanding. Understanding situations, circumstances (do both the words mean the same?), feelings and most importantly, people. When was the last time you won someone over with your compassion and understanding? Psychologically speaking, everyone loves getting attention – even if some people say that they don’t like being in the limelight or that they don’t like getting attention, deep down they do. Now think about this: do you ever try to fit in someone’s league by agreeing with them on some facts, but in reality you yourself don’t really believe in it? That’s called Nomative Social Influence. What did you do here? You got their attention turned towards you because you wanted to be liked by that person. So in a nutshell, people like attention (even you did in the above scenario!). If you give your attention to someone albeit you aren’t interested in listening to them, it can level up your respect in that person’s eyes. That’s growing up.

Secondly, I know reading people’s mind can be a difficult task, but not always. People speak a lot when they don’t speak at all. Charismatic people are an exception though. Although their world might be fallen apart, they manage to put a smile on their face. But not all people are strong enough to do this. Each indivudual has their personal life, which obviosuly includes personal problems. Imagine you are pissed off at something and bump into someone who is pissed off as well. Would it be a mistake to fake a smile to him? Who knows, your smile could be an ice on his fire. That’s growing up.

Growing up is when your mind thinks in a practical way. Again, I would like to impress upon the fact that we are humans (don’t call me a stupid!). When you grow up, your relationships with people grow; at times it doesn’t. Let’s keep the growing part. So naturally, there comes trust and relaince on each other. There’s a saying “give generously whatever is possible to someone; don’t expect anything in return”. That’s far from the truth. In a healthy relationship with someone, one automatically desires that our input be returned in some way. It is the Reciprocity Norm. If there isn’t any effort from the other side, you know it’s time to leave. Leaving is not easy I know, but acknowledge your feelings and let it go. For God’s sakes, effort is beautiful. That’s growing up.

Stop chasing people, stop begging to people. Knowing that your self-esteem is something you’ve earned while you grew up and that you can’t just sell it off for anyone is growing up. Not everyone needs to know what you’ve been going through, barring a few closed ones. Stop posting it on social media (I personally hate this). Accept failure, embrace success. Modesty is beauty. Arm yourself with knowledge – it’s the only undefeated knight in your shining armour. Let the world know that you are a knowledgeable person, but without bragging about it.  Because knowledge is attractive, isn’t it? Make people feel good about themselves  – they’ll love you for that. Acknowledge people’s feelings, even if it is for you. Show confidence, kindness, respect and love. I mean what’s the harm in that? Understand and be understood. Know your goals. Try. Fail. Try again. Succeed! That’s growing up.

Fear

Hello once again! It’s been long – pretty long – since I last posted someting. Actually, I had my intermediate exams going on. And nothing could be scarier for a student like me than screwing up any paper. Consequently the dreaded period of exams kept me busy throughout. Testophobia.

“The best way to overcome your fears is to face them”.

I’m pretty sure all of you must be aware of this golden statement. Every individual on this planet fears at least something. Be it loneliness (ermitophobia), darkness (scotophobia), animals (zoophobia), electricity (electrophobia), speaking in public (glossophobia) and many more. In fact one would be amazed to know that there are some people who are afraid of many uncommon and eccentric things. For instance, while some people are gephyrophobic (afraid of bridges), some are ballistophobic (afraid of bullets); while we can see demophobics around (who are afraid of crowd), there are some who are even anthropophobic (they fear people)! My best friend Akriti has trust issues. She doesn’t trust people easily. Good Heavens I’m lucky, for you don’t get pistathrophobic people to trust you for life. Okay so getting into more of my people whom I’m surrounded with, there’s another girl-friend (semi-friendzoned..shh!) – she is kakorrhaphiaphobic as well as anglophobic. Yes she fears failure, especially in English! The tall guy in our group fears height (acrophobia) and another best friend of mine is tocophobic (fear of children). I mean are you kidding me? Anyway, if I talk talk about myself, I have my own list. Beginning with aichmophobia (fear of pointed objects), I have haemohobia (fear of blood) and the common one which you all should be knowing – claustrophobia (fear of enclosed places, remember?)

So what to do? I’m afraid we can do nothing but face our fears. Let me ask you this: do you feel embarrassed by revealing your fear(s) to others?

Why?

Seriously? They laugh?

Just ask them what are they afraid of. Sure as hell, at least something. For God’s sakes, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Before I sign off, a word of request…even if you are bibliophobic to some extent, do let me know what are your views about this article!

PS: I never knew I know my friends’ phobias. Now it’s time to tease them. NO! 😉

 

Will forms a Way

He lay on his bed without a movement. Hungery. Thirsty. Completely exhausted after the day’s work. Another twelve hours of work, he felt, had gone in vain. He looked around his small cubicle-sized room in the no-more-than-2bhk flat. The golden resplendence of the bedside floor lamp gave him sanity after the tiresome day. Living alone is all-time jeered task after all! It was midnight and there was dead silence all around. The only thing he could hear was the siren of an ambulence which probably was in a bit too hurry. What was the point of greasing himself everyday, he wondered. Long left his passion for painting, he had come to Delhi for a financially secure lifestyle. It had been eleven months since he joined as an employee in a company. He compared the liveliness of the moment when he had successfully passed the inteview for the job with the present moment.

“Why am I doing this?”, he sighed. He twisted and turned on his bed, unable to sleep. The thought that he had to undergo another twelve hours of workload disturbed him. He twisted again. He turned again. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again. Minutes later, he woke up panic-stricken as if he saw a nightmare. In a cold January night, sweat droplets formed on his forehead.

“Damn, what was that?” His head ached. He got up to drink water. In a random movement of the eyes, he saw a blank canvas by the window. There were paints and brushes in a small bag hanging on the wall from a nail. One doesn’t need a brighter spark to be successful! Indifferent to the next day’s excuse for not showing up in the office, he washed the pallate and the brushes of different numbers, squeezed colour tubes over it, sat on a chair and plunged into the vast ocean of his passion – painting.

It was three hours (and 14 months) after which he had completed a painting.

The next morning he woke up and checked the time: 9:32 AM. Obviously, in no circumstances could he make it to his office on time. He had to take a leave. He looked at his painting. His eyes had a twinkle in them. They spoke a thousand words. After all, it was the masterpiece he had waited to paint since he had developed interest in painting. Another idea struck him. He thought of putting the painting on public display.

Post an hour, and after several attempts to contact the manager of an art gallery, he went there. No sooner did his painting hit the wall (which was approved by the manager in one go), people started humming about the excellence of the painting.

The painting contained his father on the left, his mother on the right, and the poor orphan in the centre. You must be guessing why then was it so special. Here’s why. It contained a message too at the bottom:

Even though I lost you both when I was 1 day old, it feels as if it was just yesterday. I haven’t even seen you properly, forget remembering your faces. But then yesterday night something happened. Your image flashed before my eyes and I saw this empty canvas…. I had promised you (even though I hadn’t) that one day I’ll make you proud. See, it’s on display. Though you’re not here, but I know you are. You know what’s going in my head right now: I’ve decided to leave my job and follow my passion. 

Love,

Your little 1 day old 🙂


Homicide

When was the last time you controlled your raging emotions for someone when you were on the verge of losing your mind? When was the last time you, for God’s sakes, just listened to the person who was twisting and crumbling your heart ‘with violent words and empty threats’? (I love this song). All was acceptable because the person means something to you. Period. Okay let’s make things worse. You are already sorry a million times for whatever you did not do. No you are not a fool; you’re just trying to save the relationship. Or maybe you are. Then comes your worst nigtmare: you were already screwed due to some fu****g sh**t happening in your life and boom, the person you care for shows you the middle finger (literally) while you’re just trying to calm him or her down. But Jeez! You don’t want to enrage the person all the more (even if you’re getting a lot hotter in your head!). Does that make sense? To the world, no; to you, yes.
And in all honesty, you pretty well know that this behaviour of them is slowly eating you up. It’s knawing at your heart and ceasing the beats. Still, oh you pitiable human, try your best to make things work. Let’s face it – a time comes when you abuse the person in your head (I mean obviously) and that’s it. You let your enraged emotions flow with abuses. Intelligent? No. For all those people in dire straits like this, my sincere prayers that you win the argument!!

Well, well, well…before I sign off, I forgot to apologise for calling you people a fool – because I myself am one of you! 😉